How Obama Won

History was made. A democrat from above the Mason-Dixon line was able to win the presidency decisively. We could say that he and his message connected to people. We could say that people really wanted change.

Or we could make gross generalizations.

I'm here to do the latter.


What the McCain campaign didn't realize is that identity politics don't always help Republicans. The Southern Strategy that was the guidebook for the party since Nixon is quickly fading.

Some people will tell you Obama won because he's black. Misleading. Obama won because the McCain campaign turned him into everything.

Have your candidate your way, with pickles or socialism.

A master politician can be everything to everybody. And that's what Obama was able to reflect during the campaign, with the McCain/Palin team's help of course.

But let's take a look at this voting bloc by voting bloc.

Obama easily wins the votes of most Democrats. Easy. He's the most energizing Democratic candidate since JFK.

He also got the black vote. Important, but there's still a lot of overlap between those two blocs.

But McCain actually helped to push Obama over 50%.

Muslims. Yes, this is a key demographic in America. Anyone who listens to AM radio late at night knows that the Muslims are taking over the country. Don't be surprised if you find your disgusting American hot dogs wrapped in pita bread during your baseball games.

Conservatives thought that spreading the word of Barack's Islami-ness would hurt his chances of being president. Boy, were they wrong. Muslims lined right up in the voting booths to vote for the first Arab president.

This guy looks like an Obama voter. Doesn't he? U-S-A! U-S-A!

Think Jeremiah Wright was detrimental? Nope. Exit polls that I found in the trashcan outside of CNN show that radical Christians voted for yet another of their brethren for president (after Bush II and Reagan). Does anyone know who Huckabee voted for?

This guy loved what Obama was saying about education.

But even more surprisingly, the never-courted socialist voting bloc voted for the first openly socialist candidate running for president (behind closet socialist Bush II).
This guy might as well have voted for Obama.

Just goes to show how being a Islamic-Christian Trotskyist can help on the national stage.

But we're forgetting one major voting bloc. This rarely mentioned yet often coveted. the pervert vote. Usually, pervs don't vote. They're usually roaming around in their vans or staring through holes in walls. But the economy's in shambles, so a perv's gotta get involved.

So what swayed their votes? When the McCain campaign put out the fact that Obama wanted to teach elementary school kids sex education, the collective perv bloc's eyes lit up...and then they all gave a creepy smile...while drinking large glasses of milk in their underwear.



This guy tried to vote for Obama but was imitadated by police at the polls.





(All photos in public domain.)