The War On Christmas

At the beginning of December, men and women gather in the halls of libraries, those unholy bastions of atheism, and finalize their plans for the yearly battle.

Meanwhile, around the country, lights are put up, Christmas trees bought and decorated garishly. Happiness is in excess and and the cause is Christ.

But in the night, those pernicious heathens wander from street to street, pliers in hand. Cutting lights and burning whole forests of evergreens, reigning terror on God's kingdom of Christendom.

But don't be too worried, there are some fighting the good fight. Heroes of the faith, led by Hannity and O'Reilly work day and night to expose the extremist secularist agenda.

American can only handle so many mangled wreaths and defaced ribbons before the Eagle of Vengeance awakens and retaliates.

Those grinchy secularists, who poison department store Santas and uproot poinsettas will find that their evil books on philosophy will be burned in the public square. Their coffee shops devoid of chai and mocha lattes.

This will be how the Christians win the war.

And on the night of the 24th, when all the children are sleeping, Jesus will descend in his sleigh, led by the apostles and drop presents and eternal salvation down the chimneys of the faithful.

But the secularists only get coal and and the right to think freely.